All in all..

And I'm back again!


I'm thinking about beggining a new blog, coz everytime I think about writting in this one I feel like is for nothing. Besides, most of my post are to unleash whatever I've been holding and turn out to be all about anger and frustration (at least that's how I see it). And everytime I wanna write about something I think about that and then I don't wanna write here that much. That and the fact that no one is reading it anymore. Not that I need people's attention.. (maybe I do?).. but is like a conversation I had once with a friend, where she said that we put subnicks on msn coz we want people to read them and ask us about them, meanwhile I felt like I wanted to put them coz I needed to express in some way but I didn't feel like answering the why I wrote them. That's one of the reasons why I never put subnicks or when I do I make sure they are simple or something that people wouldn't understand and ignore :P


Even tho I don't write here anymore I'm still writting posts in my head. I can't avoid it. I go driving somewhere and doing this review of what I wanna tell and how would I type it. The posts sound good in my head.. but they never leave it, hehe. I'm thinking about getting a new blog and giving it a different view. Like, instead of writting a lot about something, as if people are expecting to read a paper every week, I might do posts like this one or small posts with sentences or pictures. That's was the original idea of this one.. but as you can see it turned out to be something else. Also, I'm thinking about making a new msn, getting a clean list of people. I have guys that I have no idea where I met or if we ever talked, and I have some I know and I never talk either. I only need to find a good name for my msn and pray it's not taken ^^''


Ok, I'm gonna start working on that!

See ya on my next blog <3

Pieces of my mind..

I know I haven't written here in like forever and probably no ones reads it at this point but I felt like I needed to "share" my mind and a good friend once told me that maybe sometimes writting things down you can clear your mind or at least let the feeling out. And it helped the last times, so why not now?

I've been wanting to write for a while now.. but where to start now? :S Lately my thoughts change so much, so many points of view. Sometimes I feel like I have no life and that I should.. I don't know.. get out of the house and find one? But then I also start thinking that I like the way things are.. even if for some people is not considered a life. I like to daydream and think of the impossible things becoming posible. Even if they are things a kid would dream, with all that innocence and hope. One might get to feel a bit lonely sometimes, even if I have my group of friends and I see them every now and then and talk to them anytime I want. I miss what I had before :/ But one must move one even if you see how a great friendship starts falling apart and you feel hopeless seeing it go away and feeling there is nothing you can do. Is funny how one can be surrounded by friends and at the same time feel alone. And putting my hopes on fake ilusions, where you think things are one way with someone but really knowing that there is nothing there. And maybe whoever reads these would get the most common picture u can imagine, but it really is something so.. hmm.. of my head? that only I would know what I'm talking about. I know I must stop doing things like that one and get my feet on the ground, but is stronger than me. I can't help it. And the cicle repeats and I go along. Always hoping and dreaming for what won't happen.

These past days I did some research on what I wanna do for a living, like where would I want to be in the future, and something inside me told me I might have a chance at reaching one of my dreams. Working for one of those big companies that make videogames. I always wanted to be part of those games that everyone plays. I want to be a part of a team that makes a game which thousands of persons would love and get wouldn't be able to stop playing it. I guess that's my vision right now. Which is my mision? To get to be part of one of those teams. I know the vision is not that good but the fact that I'm remembering my professor explaining them and the fact that I'm actually using this is disturbing me hehe. Ok, ok, back to where I was. After looking at the requiriments and places where those companies are a bit of hope came and I really thing I can make it. I have to polish some knowledge and, of course, get the cash to get there and find were to stay and actually apply for the job and, finally and most important, getting it @_@ Only thinking of all makes me doubt I'll make it XD But I'll find a way! I have to start from the begining and see how to get to that.

Hehe, I see how my post goes from one feeling to another, completly different, and makes me think about how fast I am changing from one mood to another. And how different I am from what I was. I used to be quiet and let the world pass by and do whatever it wanted, as long as it didn't get in my way I was happy, a plain and simple way. Now I keep thinking of the present and the future and everything is a bunch of question marks, that drive my crazy if I look at them from too high. That's why I only take one or two at the time and try to figure them out (not always succeding) and maybe that's why my mood changes, depending on the question mark I'm dealing with is how my mood is. Life is life.

Well, I'm done for this time. Who knows when the next time I come here will be.